summer ennui
Lately, I feel under-inspired. I think it's because it's summer, truly summer now. The kids and I are together full-time, now that preschool is on vacay until September, and we're still finding our footing with the new routine. This includes swimming lessons, occasional playdates (that are a surprising amount of effort to coordinate, as it turns out), gardening, and a little too much television. Notice I have not included "time with a sitter so I can teach " or "time with a sitter so I can go to a rehearsal" or, for that matter, anything piano-related on that list. That's because it's summer, and I don't have a lot of work right now.
I found I had better balance over the winter, even though we were feeling cooped up inside. True, I spent so much money paying sitters so I could pretend to be a professional musician that I'm pretty sure I didn't even break even with my various teaching and playing projects, but at least I spent a few hours every week engaging in activities other than preparing snacks, washing diapers and negotiating screen time. At that time, I had a healthy interest and enthusiasm in my crafty pursuits (mostly knitting), and a healthy perspective on things like housekeeping and how the kids are doing.
You see, when there is nothing going on in my life unrelated to being a - gulp - housewife - I get a little neurotic. I get twitchy if the dishes aren't washed immediately after meals, I feel like a failure when the laundry goes unfolded for more than a day, I worry about the kids for no good reason (Daniel just sneezed OMG HE'S GOT THE SWINE FLU, Anya scratched her foot WHAT IF SHE HAS CHICKEN POX), and I waste time doing things like reading Ravelry forums about things I will never, ever knit and op-ed articles about the oil spill that make me feel helpless and depressed.
As much as I love summers in Madison, and as much as I love being with my children, I still think there can be too much of a good thing. Right now, that's what I'm experiencing. I have a lot of joy in my life - I'm not unhappy, believe it or not - but I am currently lacking that magic, healthy balance between home life and professional life. And I have some thinking to do about my long-term goals (as in, what are they?). I guess it's starting to get to me.
This means, when it comes to knitting, that I look at the sock I'm currently working on and I'm relieved I'm only an inch beyond the heel. Because that means it will take me a few more days to finish it, which means I have a few more days to think about what's next, and I have that long to postpone any planning of my next project, that long to think about my next goal. Knitting, or otherwise.
I found I had better balance over the winter, even though we were feeling cooped up inside. True, I spent so much money paying sitters so I could pretend to be a professional musician that I'm pretty sure I didn't even break even with my various teaching and playing projects, but at least I spent a few hours every week engaging in activities other than preparing snacks, washing diapers and negotiating screen time. At that time, I had a healthy interest and enthusiasm in my crafty pursuits (mostly knitting), and a healthy perspective on things like housekeeping and how the kids are doing.
You see, when there is nothing going on in my life unrelated to being a - gulp - housewife - I get a little neurotic. I get twitchy if the dishes aren't washed immediately after meals, I feel like a failure when the laundry goes unfolded for more than a day, I worry about the kids for no good reason (Daniel just sneezed OMG HE'S GOT THE SWINE FLU, Anya scratched her foot WHAT IF SHE HAS CHICKEN POX), and I waste time doing things like reading Ravelry forums about things I will never, ever knit and op-ed articles about the oil spill that make me feel helpless and depressed.
As much as I love summers in Madison, and as much as I love being with my children, I still think there can be too much of a good thing. Right now, that's what I'm experiencing. I have a lot of joy in my life - I'm not unhappy, believe it or not - but I am currently lacking that magic, healthy balance between home life and professional life. And I have some thinking to do about my long-term goals (as in, what are they?). I guess it's starting to get to me.
This means, when it comes to knitting, that I look at the sock I'm currently working on and I'm relieved I'm only an inch beyond the heel. Because that means it will take me a few more days to finish it, which means I have a few more days to think about what's next, and I have that long to postpone any planning of my next project, that long to think about my next goal. Knitting, or otherwise.
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