wide awake, and some rambling knitting thoughts

I already wrote this entry at about 5:15 this morning in my head. I was in bed and had been lying awake for well over an hour, startled out of a frightening dream in which I was attending a banquet with only mashed potatoes on the menu, and the entertainment was a re-enactment of the Resurrection of Christ starring George Dubya as Jesus and Hillary Clinton as Mary. Wouldn't you wake up, too? And I lay there listening to Daniel toss and turn in his crib, feeling the one in utero doing jazzercise, listening to the cars go by (where were people going at 4:30am, I wonder?) and then Stuart's nose started to whistle and I almost couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't sleep because I was thinking through all the things I need to do in the next few weeks: all the words I have to write and all the music I have to learn. Then I tried to think about pleasant, relaxing things, like hot cocoa...and then I really wanted some hot cocoa but I didn't want to risk waking Daniel up with the noise (his room is right next to the kitchen). I thought about getting up and washing the dishes, but didn't (see previous sentence about noise and proximity of toddler's room to the kitchen.) I remembered how I had truly awful insomnia at the end of my last pregnancy (and by "end" I mean two full months) and how I would purposefully save up the dirty dishes so I would have something to do at 2:00 in the morning when I woke up fidgety and cranky and totally unable to sleep.

Then I realized that for most of this pregnancy, I've been thinking of it in terms of all the inconvenience it has caused me. I've been tired (though not sick, fortunately), I can't stay up past 10:00 at night, my back is sore, moving is awkward, and the pressure for every deadline I have right now is increased about ten-fold because anything I don't get done before Christmas, I have to get done with not one, but two very needy children. I feel guilty that my attitude isn't better and that I'm not basking in the glow of motherhood, but everything is making me anxious right now.

Then I tried thinking about knitting, because it doesn't get the anxiety juices flowing like school stuff does, and planning projects is a good way to lull me to sleep. Except that since I need to be spending every spare minute I've got either writing or practicing (does blogging count? alas, no), I just haven't been knitting much, and that made me even more restless. Still, here are a few knitting/craft-related things I have on my mind. Maybe if I get them out of my head and onto "paper" (or on the computer), it will help de-clutter my mind for all the text setting analysis (dissertation stuff that is interesting to me, but probably not to you) I have to cram into the next month:

1. I'm not much of a lace knitter, and I'm finally admitting it. I adore looking at lace. I even bought myself Victorian Lace Today last fall as a reward for passing prelims, but so far it's just been eye-candy for me. Glorious, gratuitous eye-candy, but eye-candy all the same. Lace-weight yarn makes me twitchy (it's so thin), and whenever I try knitting lace I seem to fuck it up a lot and it's hard to fix mistakes and I don't ever wear shawls (with the exception of a beautiful one my mom made me for Christmas two years ago)...so mostly I admire lace and don't knit it (despite having a couple skeins of lace-weight yarn in the stash I've been meaning to knit up since last winter). Does that make me less of a Knitter? Maybe, but so what? I knit what I want. HOWEVER, I looked at the new Knitty yesterday, and fell in love with Muir. I have enough lace-weight baby alpaca in the stash for this project, so I'll keep it in mind, maybe to gift to someone.

2. It got cold last night, nearly record lows, a couple degrees above freezing, which reminded me that Daniel needs some winter things soon. He's got a hat I made for him last year that still fits, barely, but he could use another and some mittens to match. I designed that hat all by myself and then tweaked the pattern for a hat for Stuart, and I keep meaning to write up the pattern and post it. Originally, I'd intended to submit it somewhere, but good grief, there are hat patterns everywhere more clever than the design I did, so I'll just put it here.

3. I've finished two socks for Daniel out of that skein of Trekking, and I'm nearly done with a third; in fact, those little socks are all the knitting I've done the last couple weeks. There's also a sweater I started for him a year ago that I need to finish so he can wear it this winter. At least I was smart when I started it and chose a size I knew he wouldn't fit for a while, eh?

4. Here's a pretty picture:

It has nothing to do with knitting, except that due to the chill of autumn, this poor sunflower is probably not long for this world, and even if I don't have time for it, my thoughts are turning to wool.


Thorny said…
I share your fondness for the idea of lace, and lack of actually knitting lace. I have lace patterns and yarn for lace patterns a-plenty around here, and none of it is getting done. I may be wrong, but I think a lot of it has to do with the presence of young people. I've managed a few mildly lacy projects, but it's all very simple stuff that's mostly stockinette with a few well-placed yos here and there.

I imagine (or at least tell myself) that when less of my time is spent shouting things like, "Stop putting Play-Doh up your nose!" I'll be able to actually try to /do/ all those complicated lace knitting projects. grin.
Steph said…
The way you feel about lace, I feel about almost all knitting that has actual personality. I'm a decent knitter when it comes to designing and shaping, and make tons of sweaters and socks, but without ever really advancing in the realm of cables or color work or texture. It's kind of sad. I always mean to make a cabled baby sweater to get my feet wet without major committment, but in the end I go back to something I can knit fairly mindlessly while watching DVDs or whatever. It's kind of lame.

You've had a hell of a couple of months. Kudos to you just for keeping your head, I say. Not that that's very helpful... :)

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