learning something new

Look! The first of Daniel's socks is done! He only let me try it on about halfway, but I am confident that it will fit, confident enough to start another.



Since these are plain-Jane vanilla socks that are straightforward in every other way, I'm going to challenge myself to learn a new cast-on technique with each subsequent sock I make out of this ball of yarn. It may change the look of each cast-on edge slightly, but I can't think of anyone who would care less about that than the intended recipient, can you?

And now, since he's napping (finally...bless him) I'm going to settle down with this tutorial on the tubular cast on (it's supposed to be stretchy, so I thought it a good one to start with) and see how it works.

socks for the danimal

I think it's about time for a couple more pictures of the Danimal. He's entered this fun stage where he imitates what other people are doing. Since he's with me more than anyone else, he imitates a lot of what I do, like mixing up flour for baking:



and playing with yarn:



(And of course, he does plenty of other things you'd expect a little boy to do, like pushing toy cars around, climbing everything that looks climb-able, and pretending to pour water out of every container he picks up - "psssssssssssssssh!")

It's high time I knit him something, especially since I seem to be stuck and uninspired with every other project I've started or even considered lately (and by "lately," I mean "all summer.") I've got a sweater for him waiting in the wings, but I haven't picked it up in many moons, and I'm in the middle of a cable repeat and I don't want to sit there for 15 minutes just figuring out where I am in the pattern and where the mistake is in the instructions, because I remember that there is a mistake, but I don't remember what it is...so I started some socks out of that nice Trekking Pro Natura I splurged on last week.

This is what I've got so far (the colors in real life are a little brighter than in the photo):



There would be a lot more than that if I hadn't knit an entire sock that was way too small; it turns out that Daniel's foot is 6" around, not 5", and had I bothered to measure before casting on, I would have saved some time. Either way, it's a small sock by any standard, so it's going nice and quick.

treats

Patience is a virtue, eh? My Fall '07 Interweave Knits came in the mail yesterday. Of course, I had greedily checked out the preview online weeks ago, so there weren't any real surprises, but it's nice to have the material copy in hand.



What's that other thing in the picture? A new project? Yes. From stash yarn? Um, er, no. I went ahead and splurged on some Trekking Pro Natura yarn yesterday. Daniel's outgrowing his socks, cool autumn weather is fast-approaching here up north (though it's not here quite yet), and being the over-achieving-domestic type that I am, I decided to make him some socks for this year instead of buying them. I know I could get them much cheaper at Old Navy or wherever, and he won't know the difference, and they'll be hidden inside his shoes...but these will be much, much warmer.

I have other justifications, too. The yarn is a beautiful blue and green mix, though it's hard to tell from the photo because it's dark and raining today. It's also very soft: 75% superwash wool/25% bamboo blend. The single skein was almost twenty bucks - yikes - but if it's enough to make one pair of adult socks, I ought to get at least 2 pairs of socks out of it for Daniel, if not more. This way, when one inevitably gets lost, it won't ruin the pair.

I'm not using any pattern. These will just be generic socks: easy, fast knitting to ease all the stress I feel by the end of the day.

And by the way, I wanted to follow up quickly on my last post about "real women" and body image and all that. I really appreciate the comments you left, but I noticed only my fellow skinnies wrote in! I want to say that I am in total sympathy with all the larger women out there who have trouble finding clothes and knitting patterns to their liking. My mother and I often commiserate about never finding clothes that fit, and we are completely opposite body types. Where I am narrow, small-chested and overall just little, she is broad-shouldered and ample-bosomed and often has to adjust sweater patterns to be roomier. (Mom, I hope you don't mind me saying...) Extra-small sizes are often just plain unavailable; plus-size clothing is often ugly, unflattering and in gaudy, bright colors...as though larger women have no taste. I'm just saying I understand the frustration from both ends of the sizing chart, if you will.

matters of size

I almost titled this "$ize matter$" but I didn't want to get any googlers over here with the wrong idea...

Anyway, this post on Whitknits got me thinking about women and size issues. The discussion is about how the term "Real Women" has come to mean women of larger size, and the implication that smaller and thinner women somehow aren't "real", or at least don't fit into the category of "Real Women." The issue specific to the knitting community is that of pattern sizing. Many patterns only go up to certain bust sizes (like 40" or less), thus forcing women who require larger sizes with few options but to alter the patterns themselves themselves or just be left out. On the other hand, there are some skinny knitters who don't like the message that being bigger makes you a "real" woman. It's a lose-lose situation, as far as I can see.

Issues of body image in American society are immensely complicated, and I'm no sociology expert by any means, so I won't attempt to explain it all here. I am a Gen X female, though; therefore I've been bombarded by and discussed these issues about as much as anyone else, so I guess I have a few things to say. First of all, this country has a badly skewed idea of what is "healthy." We have models and celebrities who are too skinny, a population that is increasingly overweight and obese, a frightening number of people with eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating behavior), fad diets that don't work, and a culture that does not embrace true health and beauty in any kind of sincere or coherent way. We idealize too-skinny models, then we demonize them for not looking "real." We tell our children that they are beautiful just the way they are, then see statistics that tell us that well, actually, our country's children are the fastest-growing sector of the obesity epidemic. And then we still feed them fries and pizza in their school cafeterias, allow big cola companies to sell their liquid sugar in school vending machines, then turn around and blame them for not taking more personal responsibility for their own caloric and nutritional intake...oops, getting a little carried away on my soapbox here. Sorry.

We just don't know what we want, culturally. We can't decide what we really think is beautiful because we haven't accepted ourselves, we feel self-conscious, and that, I believe, is precisely what makes us so critical of each other and defensive of ourselves all at the same time, with a bit of self-loathing thrown in. This is true of both men and women, but mostly women. Goodness knows I don't always like what I see in the mirror.

Of course, size does matter. If you know me personally, or if you've seen pictures of me (on this blog or wherever), you know that I am pretty small. I've always been healthy, too; my size is just the way I was made. Mostly, I have found that people are okay with me, though I have had many a conversation with women who seem to think that my life is somehow easier than theirs because I am skinny and they are not. (Like being skinny is what gets you straight A's? What gets you into grad school? What gets you a job? What gets you self-esteem? I'm telling you, it doesn't get you those things.) I've had men and women alike treat me as though I am weak (I'm actually a lot stronger than I look, not that it's saying a whole lot), or timid or fragile or a shrinking violet, and once again, if you know me personally or you've been reading this blog for more than five minutes you'll know that none of those things are true, either. Here's the truth: while these assumptions bug me occasionally, I don't get angry about it, because I know that people make judgments based on looks whether they mean to or not. I'm sure I've been guilty of it myself without even being aware.

(Now, of course, I'm pregnant, and that brings on a whole new onslaught of comments and assumptions. When I was pregnant with Daniel, I gained 42 pounds. The last three months of pregnancy, I constantly fielded insensitive comments like "Are you sure it's not twins?" and "Are you sure you're not due next week?" and "Wow, you're huge!" Why people think it's OK to tell a pregnant woman how big she is is beyond my understanding. But oh well. Pregnancy is a temporary state. I'll live.)

Once you bring things like race into the discussion, it gets infinitely more complicated, doesn't it? I'm a white woman married to a white man with a white child, so I won't pretend that I can speak directly to those issues with any kind of authority. I'm just going to acknowledge that they're there, and they're huge. (By the way, even though I have yet to receive my first issue of Interweave Knits despite paying my subscription a month ago, I say kudos to them for using an ethnically diverse set of models.)

My real point here is that the "Real Women" debate or discussion or whatever you want to call it, is indicative of much (ahem) larger and more complex problems our society currently faces, and these issues span current ideals of beauty and body image as well as public health. It's no use pretending these problems will go away. Looks matter, and we're a vain society. Still, I think a good start in the world of knitting will be to include as many sizes as possible in published patterns. Maybe some styles just work better on smaller figures, maybe some just work better on more ample body types...but I think that should ultimately be up to the knitter him/herself to decide. Don't you?

waiting

What's up with Interweave Knits subscription service? I bought a year's subscription for my mom as a birthday present a few years ago, and she never got her first issue, even after I emailed them a couple of times. They didn't extend the subscription, so she just ended up one issue short. For a publication that only comes out four times a year, that's significant.

Until recently, I'd never bothered to subscribe myself. Back in May I got this promo in the mail offering me a free issue. Once they named Eunny Jang as editor, I thought it might be worth subscribing, so I sent in the little card saying "Yes, please, I'd like my free issue and maybe I'll subscribe." I usually buy at least half the issues anyway, so the cost would be about the same, even if there are issues I just don't like. It took forever for my free issue to arrive; in fact, it landed in my mailbox about a week after my subscription bill showed up. A little tacky, but that's just the reality of bulk mail, I guess. Then at the end of July, two months after the Summer '07 issue was out, I got my free copy - wait for it - of the Spring '07 IK, which hadn't been on the newsstands for a long while. I sent a friendly email to the customer service folks explaining what had happened, and they promised to adjust my subscription. Well, now the Fall '07 issue is out, and most subscribers have received it by now, so I emailed them again. They replied that it was too late for me to get the Summer '07 issue (no big deal, as I wasn't crazy about any of the patterns in it), but that they adjusted my subscription again to start with the Fall '07 issue, which of course I still don't have. Come on, people. You have my money. I know it takes a while to process these things, but I paid over a month ago and I want my magazine!! Is it really so hard to slap my name and address on a sticky label?

I know, I know. I don't even have much time to knit, and when I do, I feel kind of guilty about it, so I'm barely doing any these days (hence the whiny blog posts.) But I still like to look at all the things I could be knitting.

cheered up (a little)

I couldn't just let that grumpy post from yesterday sit there for long. Getting out of the house all morning helped cheer me up a bit today, though the first thing we did was go to the doctor so Daniel and I could each have a check-up. Daniel's a bit behind with language; there's a lot of babble but few actual words. At one point, the doc suggested having a specialist come out and do an evaluation, but she changed her mind when she saw how well his motor skills are coming along, and when I told her that I was slow to talk when I was a little tyke. Some kids just hold out until they're closer to two years old.

After that, I met my knitting friends at an LYS for a little while, and that was really nice. They're all ladies my mother's age or older, and while I occasionally have to bite my tongue when one of them says something like "Well, civilized behavior simply ended twenty-five years ago" (she's a lovely lady, very classy, but I honestly wonder if she's ever talked to anyone who wasn't white, wealthy and Catholic like herself), I always enjoy their company. I knit a wee bit, too:



The white jacket underneath obviously didn't get done in time to see that baby in Kansas (my husband's cousin's daughter), but I'm slowly working on it anyway. I may send it to her later, or just save it for someone else. The furry linen thing resting on top is a garter-stitch something or other. It's chunky yarn on size 6 needles, so if the fabric is really stiff, I'll have me a new potholder, and if it's not too stiff, I'll have me a new dishcloth. Either way, I'll end up with something useful, if not especially pretty. The knitting is brainless and fast, both good qualities right now when I'm low on inspiration and still stressed about school.

Krankheit der Hausfrau

The thing about "working at home," like I do, is that you never, ever get a break from it. I'm loathe to call myself a "housewife," but right now my husband is the family bread-winner while I take care of our child and sort of clean our house and cook all our meals. So what else would YOU call me?

Oh, right. The whole grad student thing. I badly want to finish my DMA in the next few months before our second baby is born. Unfortunately, all I can do right now is twiddle my thumbs while I wait for the following things: various people to send me music, responses to my insistent emails about scheduling, my committee members to get back from vacation or Mars or wherever they are and approve my damn proposal (I already started my dissertation project, assuming the proposal would pass; I hope that wasn't a stupid move.)

That means that right now I'm basically just a Hausfrau. And unlike many women I know and admire, I do not find this particularly empowering. As much as I love my little boy and am grateful I can spend so much time with him, it's exhausting to run after an 18-month-old. It's physically exhausting following him up and around playground equipment, crouching on the floor to build block tower after block tower, lifting him up and putting him down on his every whim, especially when you're nearly five months pregnant and things like "lifting a 25-lb child" and "bending over every three minutes" are increasingly challenging. It's mentally exhausting to talk to someone who can't yet talk to you (though he's really, really trying - all that babble is going to turn into real words any day now), and to read the same damn board book six times in a row, even when he's snuggling so sweetly on your lap as you recite "Sheep in a Shop" from memory. It doesn't help that he gets up between 5 and 5:30 every morning, no matter what.

I feel drained, sapped. At the end of the day, when Stuart comes home and takes Daniel to the park, I try and practice the difficult music I intend to record in a month (the one part of my dissertation project I can work on right now), but my brain is numb, my body aches, and I. just. can't. do. it. The problem is this: since my work is at home, I never get to leave it. Every pile of junkmail, every dirty dish, every scattered toy or misplaced book, every floor that needs to be swept, every page of music I need to learn, every nagging email I need to send, is all sitting there waiting for me, making it impossible for me to relax in a true sense of the word, even when I desperately need it. This is why I have barely gotten any knitting done in the last few weeks. It just makes me feel guilty for not doing something more important. Even worse, when I try and do dissertation-related stuff, it makes me feel overwhelmed and tired instead of intellectually stimulated.

I need a break. I need more sleep. I need a free babysitter every once in a while (I just absolutely can not bring myself to pay anyone to babysit when there's not any work I can do right now). I need a massage. I need to get out of the house somewhere besides the playground and the grocery store.

Sorry about all the whining, but I had to get it out there. It sucks when you can't even enjoy your favorite hobby. I won't post here again until I can be more positive and put up some nice pictures, I promise.

Sorry, no knitting content here

I didn't finish that sweater for Stuart's cousin's kid, and my nephew Charlie's sweater still just consists of one single striped rectangle. And I haven't even been inspired to start anything new, which is very unusual for me. I generally start way more than I can finish. Sad, ain't it?

You know what I have been doing? Reading! It's been soooooo looooooong since I've been able to power through a good book. Before Daniel was born I inhaled books. Novels, non-fiction, memoirs, you name it. And then I had a baby and for a couple months there I just sat on the couch breastfeeding and reading until I couldn't stands it no more, and then I rented Desperate Housewives and enjoyed it unapologetically and then Daniel quit napping and eventually become mobile...and I didn't have time to read, preferring to spend my free evening time knitting instead.

The last few months I've just been making time for reading. It's what's taking up my knitting time and knitting mojo (though sometimes I read about knitting - does that count?) This pregnancy really tired me out the whole month of May. When Daniel would sleep, I would make myself practice a little, then crash on the couch and read until I dozed off myself. It felt good; when I'm not in the middle of a good book, I feel like a little piece of my life is lacking. Last week, of course, I made it through Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in about nine hours (over the course of two days). And recently, I've been reading Barbara Kingsolver's new book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. (I wrote more about that on my other blog; if you're interested, click here.)

So that's the state of things. What about you? If you're not knitting, what are you doing? What are you reading?